duuuuuuuuuude!!!

a few things:

first; a rant: damn these celebrities stealing my baby names!!! i mean, i've had them picked out like, forever! (i would only ever admit that here, where the spaces of cyber won't judge me for being lame.) first, christina and j.lo go and name their boys 'max'... now brangelina named their girl 'vivienne'!!! and they even SPELLED it the same way i do!!! SHEESH!!!! now, i'll probably still name my kids maxwell (or maxton - haven't decided) and vivienne, but now i face the possibility of people thinking i'm lame and using celebrity baby names! UGH!!!

second - and probably more understandable and reasonable; how on earth do ladies get through the 2WW?! that's 'two week wait' for all you fertile myrtles. i'm driving myself nutty up in here! SERIOUSLY! it would be one thing if i had a job, but i'm on summer vacation! oh well. one week from today and i'm doing a test. monday's the blood test, anyway. what's a few measly hours??? :)

holy crap!

ALL five were great!!! we had 3 8-cell embryos which is considered perfect for a 3-day transfer; and the other 2 were 6-cell, which is still good. grade 'b' i think. we implanted the 3 best and will wait 2 days to see if the others will be eligible for cryopreservation.


i am sooooooooooooooooooooooooo excited! i really feel good about this and i have the highest hopes!

as the uterus turns...

the egg retrieval went 'well', i guess. they got 11 eggs. i went back today for bloodwork and she told me 5 of them fertilized via icsi. the ones that were strictly ivf did not. 5 out of 11. hmmmm. now i'm getting a bit worried because they won't know how many are eligible for transfer until the morning of - thursday. so 2 days of reading blogs, articles, question and answers. awesome.

i need a pick-me-up.

oh wait - big brother starts next week, i found out today. so i got that goin' for me.

i'm on a roll!

appointment went swimmingly! alls looking good, levels are good, i go back on saturday morning for one last ultrasound and bloodwork. THEN she said more than likely, i'd do my trigger shot that night and come in monday for the retrieval. holy crap!!! it's going according to plan!

except for the 4-pound weight gain. which the nurse said is completely normal and expected what with my elevated estrogen levels. she was so convincing, i'm starting to believe it wasn't from the burrito, graham crackers, chips and salsa, or donut and coffees. ;)

phone call:

blood work tests came back and apparently my estrogen levels were a wee bit HIGH! i'm assuming that's good, as they've always been nonexistent up in here. she cut my meds in half and i go back thursday morning for another check. *fingers crossed* that all goes according to plan and next week is my week!!!

winning the war against my uterus is a good feeling.

i have a case of the mondays on a tuesday morning.

i'm not normally super-pessimistic. nor am i overly optimistic. i'm just super mellow and usually most things don't get to me either way.

today is not that day.

i went to the doctor this morning to get an ultrasound and blood work. my appt. was at 8:30; by 9:30, they finally called my name. !!! the ultrasound was to see how my follicles were progressing. i asked the lady how it looked and she just said something like, "oh, they're looking good - just need to mature a little more..." and she trailed off and started talking about the upcoming weekend. now, this part is MY bad. i didn't demand to see the doctor and have her go over it with me because they were seriously backed up and they said she'd call me about my blood test results later this afternoon.

but now, all i can think of oh my god. why didn't i just get the news over with instead of stewing all day. not healthy. i know. but i'm realllllllllly trying to stay optimistic but it's hard when you've been through this before. not exactly this, but when i was on clomid, it didn't even occur to me that it wasn't going to work and when i went in for my ultrasound, my insides had basically not responded at all. like my ovaries were laughing at the idea that one tiny little pill was any match for them.

but now i'm on heavy-duty hormone shots and it seems my uterus is still putting up a pretty decent fight. so i'm praying that tonight finds me in better spirits with a very uplifting phone call about how i'm upping my shot, i'll be in again on thursday, that ultrasound will go swimmingly; and my retrieval will be scheduled for next week.

that's not too much to ask for, is it?

1st official

i had my first official crazy-hormone-breakdown today.
*backstory* - we have to lock the doors to the spare rooms because chris' cat opens them and pees in them. ewwwww. so we have a key, but the one door is realllly difficult to open.

ok. so, i was going to meet a friend for dinner and was to be there at 6:00. at 5:30, i should have left, but was having a 'fat' day and couldn't find anything to wear. i hate that. then, i remembered i have clothes in the spare room. so i spent 25 minutes trying to open the damn door. first, i was calm. then i was annoyed. then i was trying to kick the door down ala chuck norris. no joke. poor chris came home to me sitting on the floor upstairs screaming; mascara flowing down my red cheeks. he thought i was being murdered, i'm sure. homeboy tried twice and it opened. ugh!!! he looked scared, confused, and about to burst into laughter all at once. luckily for him, he did not laugh.

the scary thing is, i could completely see how irrational i was being. in my head, i was like, "why are you being a crazy person? you know this door sucks." but i had absolutely no control over my actions. s-c-a-r-y!!!

it is sooooooooooo good i'm on summer vacation right now. i can only imagine a kid asking me the directions again after i just explained them. *eeek!*