nancy's 25!

i copied this from nancy. (i'd link to her blog, but that's something i have not yet figured out, so just go over there ------> and click on it.)

"25 Firsts"

1. Who was your first prom date?
aaron carlson. he called 'dibs' at our pre-dinner to everyone at our table. at a japanese restaurant. with strangers.

2. Do you still talk to your first love?
nope. we broke up; he started dating a friend; then married his ex; and confessed his love for me years later via myspace. weird.

3. What was your first alcoholic drink?
kahlua and pepsi. everything goes with coke, right? um, no.

4. What was your first job?
claire's boutique. i remember the manager was waaaaaay into her job. and SERIOUS about hairbows. we all had to wear a different one every shift.

5. What was your first car?
juanita; the puerto-rican-plaid '86 dodge 600 convertible with maroon pleather interior and lexus seat covers my dad gave me. i loooooooved that car.

6. Who was the first person to text you today?
lauren; i told her i almost jumped out of my moving vehicle (see other post) and she responded with 'don't do it, you don't have anyone to cover homeroom.' good advice.

7. Who was the first person you thought of this morning?
the topher. he snores and is a bear to wake up.

8. Who was your first grade teacher?
i forget her name, but she was a nun. said nun was also my brownies leader and she was mean.

9. Where did you go on your first flight in a plane?
to new york for my grandpa's funeral.

10. Who was your first best friend and do you still talk?
anne erismen. and no, i haven't spoken to her in probably 20 years.

11. Where was your first sleepover?
sara sansone's. she was a brat.

12. Who was the first person you talked to today?
chris.

13. Whose wedding were you in for the first time?
my friend, chantel's when i was 20. we wore such cheesy dresses because none of us knew what weddings were about yet.

14. What was the first thing you did this morning?
washed my face, did my hair, gave myself a shot. woohoo!

15. What was the first concert you went to?
live. they were really good as i recall.

16. First tattoo?
a lame chinese character that i later had covered up with a solid pink star.

17. First piercing?
ears.

18. First foreign country you went to?
mexico for our honeymoon. only venture out of the u.s. so far.

19. First movie you remember seeing?
et. i wanted to be gertie.

20. What state did you first live in?
ohio

21. Who was your first room mate?
ruby jiminez. she was gross.

22. When was your first detention?
one and only; the day of powder puff because my friend and i forged a hall pass. we were soooo bad. :)

23. (samcy didn't have a #23 and neither do i!)

24. What is one thing you would learn, given the chance?
french.

25. Who will be the next person to post this?
no idea!

oh geez.

i had my first firemonster meltdown this morning on my way to work. my seatbelt kept locking and i couldn't pull it around. thank god i had my windows shut. i was screaming bloody murder and sweating and everything. all was over within 2 minutes.

cut to this evening, where the hubs and i are watching the end of the vma's on dvr. beyonce gave taylor 'her moment' and i'm crying like a little girl. crying over the vma's people.

i'm on drugs.

;)

bang!

today marks day numero uno of taking shots. just the lupron for now, but i anticipate firemonsteryness for the next few days while i'm still on the pill as well.

thumbs up for kicking down doors! (both metaphorically and literally. don't judge me - i was all hopped up on hormones and it made sense at the time.)

:)

on another note, i'm going to one of those 'paint your own pottery' places tonight!!! while it's not like sitting at a wheel and doing it yourself, this is the first time i've gotten creative with ceramics since college and i'm excited!!! maybe i'll post a pic (if i can figure out that whole mess) when i get it back from being fired.

twins.

my very good co-worker friend did ivf recently and had quite the experience with it. postponed transfer, tilted uterus, cervix not dilated.... etc. i genuinely felt horrible for her.

but, she had the transfer, went crazy for 2 weeks, got a BFP, and had her first sonogram today.

and as you may have guessed - twins! holy crap. i was so excited for her. i thought she was messing with me, but she was just in shock. ha!

so i was telling another friend and her response was similar to mine, but then she says, "i hope she didn't steal your baby juju! hahaha."

WHO THE FUCK SAYS THAT?!?! and why does it bother me so much???? now, all i can think of is that my very good friend, who is so super-supportive of me and my ventures, has now stolen my juju. i want to be as positive as humanly possible this go-round, but with stupidass people like this, how the eff can i???

i need positive shit around me. i hate yoga though. i need to center my chi or whatever. and i cannot use ice cream as the answer.
*sidenote* - even though i TOTALLY co-sign on ben and jerry renaming their classic 'hubby hubby'. i knew i loved them. see?! sending positive messages out into the universe via ice cream?! i need something like that.

but i digress. i start lupron tomorrow morning and i am going to think *happy* thoughts. so think some for me, too.

:)

having a moment.

the best friend called with some "news". yep. she's pregnant. again. without trying. i love her. i do. and i flipped out on the phone and was sooooooo happy for her - still am. i just hate that little twinge in the back of my uterus, er, head that is sad. that brings the grand total up to 4 pregnant ladies in my life. and several more are 'trying', so the number is sure to skyrocket soon.

ps - i'm on day 1 of loestrin. the ivf ball is officially rolling, so please pray to god, buddha, allah, or whoever you choose that i, rademmie, get to be a mom soon.

i'm a big fat, giant fat fatty.

duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuude.

my summer's goal was to lose 20 pounds. not only did i not reach that goal, i gained about 10!!!

10 pounds, people!!!

granted, i just got back from my husband's family reunion. when i say they don't eat healthy food, i mean it. like, cake, chips, pasta, fried everything are all daily occurences. i didn't go crazy, but when there's nothing in the house but crap, it's hard to be good. i'm hoping at least 3-5 of those pounds are related to all the salt i've had. that'll be encouraging in a day or two when i've got a good lead.

problem is, i should be starting the ivf process very soon, and i gained about 13 pounds on those drugs even while i was seriously dieting and working out. i need a miracle. a skinny-me miracle.

if it's not one thing...

does anyone else have a completely clueless mother???????? i can't tell you how many times i've explained the. whole. infertility. THING to her, and yet, she STILL says the most offensive, inappropriate things. unwittingly, of course. she's not mean or uncaring, i think she's just (lack of better term) stupid!!!!!

once, in the midst of my crying that "i'll neeeeveeeeeer get pregnant *sob sob sob*", homegirl says to me, "well, look on the bright side... now you'll have more time to travel." WTF?!?!?!?!?!?

and don't even get me started on how many times i've told her what pcos is. and every time, after a long, awkward pause, she says something like, "well, you never can tell" or "relax, stop thinking about it" or, my personal favorite, "isn't there a pill for that? ask your doctor to take the pill you need." OH! OF COURSE!!! why hadn't i thought to ask for a magic FUCKING PILL?!?!?!?!?!?

so today, when explaining that i have a consult appointment for the new ivf study, she asks me what ivf is.

sit on that for a second.

ummmm. remember LAST summer when your daughter couldn't leave the house for a week after a failed ivf that was maybe the most traumatic experience of her life? remember her telling you all about 'those shots and stuff' she had to do every night? remember her crying uncontrollably on the phone because her hormones were so crazy that your questions - that she's answered several times before - made her turn into niagra falls?

oh no?

well, let me explain again. UUUUUUUUGHGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

i might be more understanding (and i was) if i had only been doing this for a few months and was still in the beginning stage, but come on. i'm knee deep in this shit. hell - arm deep!!! it been almost 3 years and i've done everything you can do. she's heard about it all and yet, each time the conversation comes up, she plays dumb. IT IS SO MOTHERFUCKING AGGRAVATING!!!!!!!!

ok. let me just say that my mom is one of my favorite people on the planet. she has always been supportive of me in everything i do and she could not love me more. i just think that this particular subject makes her uncomfortable, even though she wants to hear it.

it just makes me sad that the one thing that is so important to me, the one thing a daughter should be able to talk to her mother about, is the one thing that i feel like i can't talk to her about without wanting to slam the phone into the wall and rip my (or her) hair out.