i'm in a weird place, people.

i'm still having a problem accepting that this is my reality. my pants don't fit, i'm constantly tired, and yet, it's hard to believe i'm really pregnant. and not just pregnant - second trimester pregnant!

when does the fear go away? i always thought "once i see that line" or "once i see that ultrasound" or once i get passed that 12 week mark..." i'd feel better. but while i'm not as pins and needles as week 5, i'm also not where i think most pregnant ladies are at this point.

one more thing to thank infertility for: stealing the excitement away. taking away the "glow" and instead, leaving worry lines in it's place. i'm thankful that i know what i have. i appreciate every day, and that's due to infertility in a weird way. but i just wish i could fully embrace being pregnant and just be all annoying and googly like every other pregnant lady i've ever known.

two nuggets of awesome:

I'M IN MY SECOND TRIMESTER AS OF TOMORROW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and if you haven't seen jersey shore; you're missing out.

:)

no. no it's not in the water.

that is the. most. annoying. comment ever!!!

sure, i'm the 4th one to get pregnant at my school this year, but dang! i worked hard for this shit, man!!! i hate when people say "there's something in the water, huh?" like, i just dipped into their little honeypots and got myself pregnant easy-peasy. not that i want to share my ivf business with everyone, but i also don't want to negate the 2 and a half years it took us to get to this point!

what did any of you say to those people? i tried the 'yeah, well we tried for a long time' route and that just raises more questions that i don't feel like talking about.

you know what? my last-year-self just said "waaaah waaaaah" in my head. i should be so lucky why people say i'm drinkin' the water, right?!?!

10w5d...

i'm almost done with this first trimester business. and *whispers* ...

i'm good at this whole pregnancy thing!

like, i was all worried about not getting sick or feeling gross, and as it turns out, my mom only got nauseous for like, a week, then sailed through all 3 of her pregnancies. AND i went to my last appointment with the RE, and mini-d is perfect! he's* waving, kicking, moving all around and everything! i SAW it!!! that was just batshit crazy, i tell you.

so now, i go to my first OB appointment on thursday, and i'm hoping i get another ultrasound. i could watch that everyday all day for the next 6 months!

here's evidence that there is, in fact, a motherfucking snake on this motherfucking plane:



*i'm using the term "he" because 1) it sounds gross, and 2) i secretly think it's a boy. :)