i mean, i guess...???

i *think* mini's moving around in there! i've felt this "feeling" in there off and on all this past week. kinda feels like a swooooooosh, or like when you roll your fist against your arm. (did that make sense? i can't explain it right, i think.) it does *not* feel like "bubbles" or "gas". not even like "butterflies". more like .... an elbow rolling across my uterus. i mean, maybe it's a knee or something, but whatever. i'm having a really hard time describing it, which sucks for chris. HE can't feel it from the outside, so he wants to know all about it and i think i just frustrate him when i try. haha.

ALSO - i have gained a total of SIX POUNDS!!! i have NOT been dieting, that's for damn sure, so i'm just happy to be on track. i watched my friend go from 160 to 210 in the first 4 months, (topping out at 270 - THAT was scary.) so i've always been afraid that would be me, too. i LOOK at food and gain weight. but so far, so good!

and i can't wait til the 5th. i can't wait to be able to say 'he' or 'she' with confidence! and the NAMES! we can finally lock down a name!!! so excited!!!

innie or outtie???

we shall see on february 5th!!!

my doctor was very adamant about doing it at 20 weeks, but i got her down to 19w4d. (go me. haha) it seems like everyone i know who has had a baby or is pregnant gets to find out at 17-18 weeks! oh well, only 3 weeks to wait.

:)

ok. i'm in.

i guess this is getting more "real" everyday. still not showing, but my normally peaches-n-cream complexion is not so cute anymore. i get at least one breakout a day! arg. and i wake up in the middle of the night having "pulled" my nether-regions. i know, i know, totally normal, but seriously weird! and i cry over the stupidest things. that damn baby commercial where they're all sleeping and cuddly, while watching the blind side, (cried the entire movie. "i just hoo-o-ope he doesn't feel embarrrrr-assed about being so bad at fooootballllllwaaaaaaaa.") when my husband makes his usual no-one-else-would-find-this-funny bad jokes.

so all added up, i'm pretty sure this whole pregnancy thing is going according to schedule and alls well.

and just in case i didn't think so, mrs. doctor lady said everything is growing beautifully and baby's heartbeat is sounding perfect.

yay!

i'm in a weird place, people.

i'm still having a problem accepting that this is my reality. my pants don't fit, i'm constantly tired, and yet, it's hard to believe i'm really pregnant. and not just pregnant - second trimester pregnant!

when does the fear go away? i always thought "once i see that line" or "once i see that ultrasound" or once i get passed that 12 week mark..." i'd feel better. but while i'm not as pins and needles as week 5, i'm also not where i think most pregnant ladies are at this point.

one more thing to thank infertility for: stealing the excitement away. taking away the "glow" and instead, leaving worry lines in it's place. i'm thankful that i know what i have. i appreciate every day, and that's due to infertility in a weird way. but i just wish i could fully embrace being pregnant and just be all annoying and googly like every other pregnant lady i've ever known.

two nuggets of awesome:

I'M IN MY SECOND TRIMESTER AS OF TOMORROW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and if you haven't seen jersey shore; you're missing out.

:)

no. no it's not in the water.

that is the. most. annoying. comment ever!!!

sure, i'm the 4th one to get pregnant at my school this year, but dang! i worked hard for this shit, man!!! i hate when people say "there's something in the water, huh?" like, i just dipped into their little honeypots and got myself pregnant easy-peasy. not that i want to share my ivf business with everyone, but i also don't want to negate the 2 and a half years it took us to get to this point!

what did any of you say to those people? i tried the 'yeah, well we tried for a long time' route and that just raises more questions that i don't feel like talking about.

you know what? my last-year-self just said "waaaah waaaaah" in my head. i should be so lucky why people say i'm drinkin' the water, right?!?!

10w5d...

i'm almost done with this first trimester business. and *whispers* ...

i'm good at this whole pregnancy thing!

like, i was all worried about not getting sick or feeling gross, and as it turns out, my mom only got nauseous for like, a week, then sailed through all 3 of her pregnancies. AND i went to my last appointment with the RE, and mini-d is perfect! he's* waving, kicking, moving all around and everything! i SAW it!!! that was just batshit crazy, i tell you.

so now, i go to my first OB appointment on thursday, and i'm hoping i get another ultrasound. i could watch that everyday all day for the next 6 months!

here's evidence that there is, in fact, a motherfucking snake on this motherfucking plane:



*i'm using the term "he" because 1) it sounds gross, and 2) i secretly think it's a boy. :)