poor.

this SUCKS!!!!!!!!

my paychecks are like, a third of what they are normally and now we're broke as a joke for the ENTIRE summer. like, we were just discussing what we are going to eat for the next 2 weeks. good thing i started my serious diet again. eggs, turkey, meat or fish. it's just so fucking STRESSFUL! arg.

i just thought that if that ivf had worked, we'd have a 3 month old right now, too. granted, that would have changed EVERYTHING, but at least we're just doing this with the 2 of us.

AND while i'm wishing for august, so we'll be back to normal; saving money, paying bills the day we get them, etc... i DO NOT want to start working again! i love reading, watching tv, going tubing, walking and all that with NO SCHEDULE.

so, yeah. we did not plan accordingly this year.

red eyes.

i've turned into quite the crier. thank you SO much, pcos!

went to my doc this morning for my exit interview. no babies. my consolation prize is one round of 50 mg of clomid and $500. fair? i think not.

so i'm going to be back on metformin and whatnot AND he told me there's a study coming up for ivf for women with pcos. !!! i told him i don't want to do it again before i lose a bunch more weight, but he said any weight is good weight to lose, but not to overdo it. then i mentioned how the last ivf didn't work and he told me that may be in large part to the kind of drugs i was on. this study is specifically for pcos, so he thinks the "outcome would be much more positive." i'll take it.

then i watched jon and kate plus 8.

is anyone else just depressed after seeing this?! so sad. and i'm seriously no sap - but that was bad. i really want to be on jon's side and say kate is a shrew... but earrings??? a porshe??? saying he's only 32 and has his whole life ahead of him??????? i'm surprised she hasn't strangled him yet. did it sound like they did therapy or anything? i didn't get that impression, and that just seems crazy.

anyhoo. this whole pcos/infertility/baby-wanting thing is getting draining. i keep reading other blogs and it seems like no one with pcos is ever getting pregnant! maybe i'm just sensitive to it, but seriously. i need some good news or SOMEthing.

and i miss my grandma.