this thanksgiving, i'm thankful for being pregnant. nothing has made me happier, more scared and freaked-out on a regular basis, or completely school-girl giddy-er. i have waited and yearned and hoped and wished and prayed for longer than one person should have to and all of my dreams have come true.
i can't even imagine next year at this time.
my cup runneth over.
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Monday, November 23, 2009
i'm sick and pissed.
like, "i have a hacking cough, sore throat, stuffy head" sick. so what's a gal to do on a saturday when she wants to find out what she can take? go to publix and ask the pharmacist, right? of course. so homeboy recommends tylenol and robitussin dm. ok. good. so i go ahead and take those minimally as i needed.
then i call my doctor this morning.
she says, "um, you shouldn't be taking anything." oh, ok. so now i feel like a ginormous chump!!! i didn't HAVE to take anything; i just wanted to know what my options were so i could feel better as soon as possible! and now i may have put my nugget in harm's way!
and speaking of my nugget; i have no symptoms again. i know, i know... it comes and goes, up and down, back and forth, yada yada yada. but i feel better when i feel shitty. arg.
and ps - don't ask dr. google when your symptoms go away at 9 weeks. very, very bad idea.
then i call my doctor this morning.
she says, "um, you shouldn't be taking anything." oh, ok. so now i feel like a ginormous chump!!! i didn't HAVE to take anything; i just wanted to know what my options were so i could feel better as soon as possible! and now i may have put my nugget in harm's way!
and speaking of my nugget; i have no symptoms again. i know, i know... it comes and goes, up and down, back and forth, yada yada yada. but i feel better when i feel shitty. arg.
and ps - don't ask dr. google when your symptoms go away at 9 weeks. very, very bad idea.
Monday, November 9, 2009
i must be crazy.
i'm pregnant! me! emmie! is pregnant!!!
after almost 3 years of drugs, procedures, and failures; it's finally happened!
...so why am i still *ever so slightly* crushed - no - not "crushed" - more like the former me of a couple months ago is going through it - when TWO of my close girlfriends announced this same week that they are pregnant too! by accident! (seems as though we're all about 2 weeks apart!) so excited for them - but i still feel that pang of jealousy - AND I'M PREGNANT!
i guess you can take the girl out of infertility; but you can't take the infertility out of the girl. or something like that.
after almost 3 years of drugs, procedures, and failures; it's finally happened!
...so why am i still *ever so slightly* crushed - no - not "crushed" - more like the former me of a couple months ago is going through it - when TWO of my close girlfriends announced this same week that they are pregnant too! by accident! (seems as though we're all about 2 weeks apart!) so excited for them - but i still feel that pang of jealousy - AND I'M PREGNANT!
i guess you can take the girl out of infertility; but you can't take the infertility out of the girl. or something like that.
Sunday, November 8, 2009
sucking the fun out
telling people you're pregnant - FINALLY - for the first time should be crazy fun, right? you should giggle and cry and get hugs and giggles and tears from whomever will listen, right??? ESPECIALLY your girlfriends, right???
not me.
not that they haven't gotten excited, or had some giggles; they have. except.
THEN they want to tell me all about their terrible experience, and after a 20-minute diversion into your epidural-not-working-story i get the - "but i'm sure you won't have that problem." or i get bombarded with insurance and maternity leave questions that i have no fucking clue about THEN i'm made to feel stupid for not knowing!
it's like someone made it their job to scare the shit out of me. or stress me the fuck out for fun! wtf?!?!
and, ladies, here's a secret about little ole me: i don't take kindly to people telling me what to do. never have; never will, i'm suspecting. no idea why. i have an authority complex maybe. so when my PEER tells me i should be doing something, or gives unsolicited, opinionated advice, i tend to get quite defensive and bitchy. which they know! it's not like i've never met them before! i had to leave a dinner last night because after listening for TWO AND A HALF HOURS to said annoying stories, i JUST COULDN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE! and i just left. probably abruptly. but i seriously was going to blow up.
so yeah. i want the fun part to start happening soon. gushes, giggles, what-names-are-you-thinking-abouts, what-color-do-you-want-to-do-the-nurserys, and stuff. or this is going to be a very lonely 9 months. :)
*addendum*
i think i'm so annoyed because most of my friends are very aware of my struggles, attempts, and failures in the trying-to-make-a-baby adventures. so it's just kinda sucky that they're not more sensitive to what i need right now. or maybe i'm being crazy, expecting people to be psychic. who knows.
not me.
not that they haven't gotten excited, or had some giggles; they have. except.
THEN they want to tell me all about their terrible experience, and after a 20-minute diversion into your epidural-not-working-story i get the - "but i'm sure you won't have that problem." or i get bombarded with insurance and maternity leave questions that i have no fucking clue about THEN i'm made to feel stupid for not knowing!
it's like someone made it their job to scare the shit out of me. or stress me the fuck out for fun! wtf?!?!
and, ladies, here's a secret about little ole me: i don't take kindly to people telling me what to do. never have; never will, i'm suspecting. no idea why. i have an authority complex maybe. so when my PEER tells me i should be doing something, or gives unsolicited, opinionated advice, i tend to get quite defensive and bitchy. which they know! it's not like i've never met them before! i had to leave a dinner last night because after listening for TWO AND A HALF HOURS to said annoying stories, i JUST COULDN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE! and i just left. probably abruptly. but i seriously was going to blow up.
so yeah. i want the fun part to start happening soon. gushes, giggles, what-names-are-you-thinking-abouts, what-color-do-you-want-to-do-the-nurserys, and stuff. or this is going to be a very lonely 9 months. :)
*addendum*
i think i'm so annoyed because most of my friends are very aware of my struggles, attempts, and failures in the trying-to-make-a-baby adventures. so it's just kinda sucky that they're not more sensitive to what i need right now. or maybe i'm being crazy, expecting people to be psychic. who knows.
Friday, November 6, 2009
waaaaahoooooooo!!!!!!!!!!
we went in for our first ultrasound today and found...
ONE little heart beating away!!! my little baby!!!
HOLY SHIT.
ONE little heart beating away!!! my little baby!!!
HOLY SHIT.
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
i'm good. (or bad)
symptoms back in full force. nausea; boobs; tired... YAY!!!
you know what it was? i didn't feel pregnant, so i was freaking out! so now that i feel uber shitty; i feel great! haha.
confession: i still take a pregnancy test every few days. there is no other therapy as satisfying as turning those things positive!!! chris thinks i'm crazy, of course, but whatever.
you know what it was? i didn't feel pregnant, so i was freaking out! so now that i feel uber shitty; i feel great! haha.
confession: i still take a pregnancy test every few days. there is no other therapy as satisfying as turning those things positive!!! chris thinks i'm crazy, of course, but whatever.
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