1st official

i had my first official crazy-hormone-breakdown today.
*backstory* - we have to lock the doors to the spare rooms because chris' cat opens them and pees in them. ewwwww. so we have a key, but the one door is realllly difficult to open.

ok. so, i was going to meet a friend for dinner and was to be there at 6:00. at 5:30, i should have left, but was having a 'fat' day and couldn't find anything to wear. i hate that. then, i remembered i have clothes in the spare room. so i spent 25 minutes trying to open the damn door. first, i was calm. then i was annoyed. then i was trying to kick the door down ala chuck norris. no joke. poor chris came home to me sitting on the floor upstairs screaming; mascara flowing down my red cheeks. he thought i was being murdered, i'm sure. homeboy tried twice and it opened. ugh!!! he looked scared, confused, and about to burst into laughter all at once. luckily for him, he did not laugh.

the scary thing is, i could completely see how irrational i was being. in my head, i was like, "why are you being a crazy person? you know this door sucks." but i had absolutely no control over my actions. s-c-a-r-y!!!

it is sooooooooooo good i'm on summer vacation right now. i can only imagine a kid asking me the directions again after i just explained them. *eeek!*

sheesh!

i had my baseline ultrasound and bloodwork done today; alls good in the uterus! good news. but now, i have to start the big guns tomorrow. injections in the am still, but now i'm adding an anitbiotic twice a day and serious drugs (with a HUGE needle!) at night.

i'm going to be one, big, walking hormone. like the kool-aid man, only mean. like the hulk i guess. :)

poor chris.

please, please, please for the love of all that's holy, let this work!!!

ivf update:

i talked to my doctor yesterday, and she said that my retrieval/transfer is scheduled for the week of july 7th. less than 3 weeks away!!!!! holy crap.

i had a dream last night that i was pregnant with triplets. and i was happy about it. i guess after all this, triplets might not be so bad! but the idea of being on bedrest really scares me.

so now, i will just put it out here in cyberspace that i have never wanted anything so bad in my entire life. ever since i was a kid, i always knew i was supposed to be a mom. i had absolutely no idea that it would ever be so difficult to get there. but, hopefully, this is it. i have a good feeling about it, so i'm praying my instincts are right.

keep those fingers crossed!!!

tidbits...

i mowed the lawn today. a fairly large feat for this lady. it took me a full half hour to get that stupid thing going. then i got a farmer tan. like, my arms are realllllllly burnt. silver lining? - i sweat so much i felt justified not going for a 4 mile walk. :)

i've been taking the injections for 5 days now. they turn me into a firemonster. i go in for an appointment tuesday or wednesday for an ultrasound and the cocktail injections i think. more firemonsterness.

monkey has been driving me up an effing wall today. peeing, barking, chasing, more peeing. daaaaaaaaaaamn this dog is working my last nerve. (firemonster, again.)

pass the calories, please.

these drugs are making me a crazy person. hot flashes? check. irrational snapping at any and everyone? checkity check. insane cravings for cake, ice cream, and nachos? oh yeah.

this is not ok. i keep telling myself i'm taking one for the team, the ends justify the means, and there's no 'i' in team. well, that last one doesn't really apply here, but you get the idea.

i don't think anyone actually reads this, but if you happen to come across it, pray for me that i get a positive test later this month. and then all those side effects will be totally welcome.

mmmmmmmm, nachos.

you're onlyyyyyy a dayyyy aaaaawayyyyy!

tomorrow is FINALLY the last day of school. i have never met people i dislike so much as the children i've taught this year. now, all 13-yr-olds are given a certain amount of 'slack'. they're 13. i get it. but this year, not only were they just downright not smart, they were arrogant about being not smart. and they were mean. and not like teenage kid mean. like, downright evil. i wouldn't be surprised if several of them wound up in jail for armed robberies and murder. seriously.

i love my job. i don't mean to sound like that bitter old teacher, but i'm really patting myself on the back for a)making the whole year and b) doing so without winding up on the news for hitting a kid. i plan on fully forgetting this whole 07-08 school eyar never happened as of 4 o'clock tomorrow.