i'm not normally super-pessimistic. nor am i overly optimistic. i'm just super mellow and usually most things don't get to me either way.
today is not that day.
i went to the doctor this morning to get an ultrasound and blood work. my appt. was at 8:30; by 9:30, they finally called my name. !!! the ultrasound was to see how my follicles were progressing. i asked the lady how it looked and she just said something like, "oh, they're looking good - just need to mature a little more..." and she trailed off and started talking about the upcoming weekend. now, this part is MY bad. i didn't demand to see the doctor and have her go over it with me because they were seriously backed up and they said she'd call me about my blood test results later this afternoon.
but now, all i can think of oh my god. why didn't i just get the news over with instead of stewing all day. not healthy. i know. but i'm realllllllllly trying to stay optimistic but it's hard when you've been through this before. not exactly this, but when i was on clomid, it didn't even occur to me that it wasn't going to work and when i went in for my ultrasound, my insides had basically not responded at all. like my ovaries were laughing at the idea that one tiny little pill was any match for them.
but now i'm on heavy-duty hormone shots and it seems my uterus is still putting up a pretty decent fight. so i'm praying that tonight finds me in better spirits with a very uplifting phone call about how i'm upping my shot, i'll be in again on thursday, that ultrasound will go swimmingly; and my retrieval will be scheduled for next week.
that's not too much to ask for, is it?
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